Are you real?

Close encounters with intelligence of two kinds.

I. The question.

In the middle of a three hour shift at a hospice patient’s home, tending to some dishes and emails while the patient rests, her husband is ordering cable service on speaker to ensure her LifeAlert button connects to the correct authorities if needed.

Listening as he’s answering questions to what is obviously an AI, but a strangely natural one.

“Aaaand, may i have your service address?”

“Great. And which plan were you thinking about?”

“Take your time, no rush, I can wait as you find that information.”

After about five minutes of this, he asks, “Wait, are you a real person?”

Stops me in my tracks, his earnest ask.

“Actually, I’m an AI, and my job is to help you set up your account easily, to get your service up and running as soon as possible.”

He half-laughs in response, turns toward me. “This is our world,” I muster, with a slight shake of my head. We both laugh. He and the AI finish surprisingly swiftly.

II. The art.

Walking toward Brian Eno’s Face to Face piece in Parma, Italy, where the seed for this post was planted, I’m transfixed. With a sequence of photographs of real individuals, the computer software used in this piece transitions from one person’s face to the next at a microscopic level, over several minutes per transition.

And because the change happens at an imperceptibly slow pace, it “births” tens of thousands of transitional faces, blending ages, genders, and ethnicities into a meditative stream of fictitious portraits. But are they fictitious?

With original ambient soundscapes by Eno filling the space, the installation is an exercise in patience, and a remembrance of our shared human identity.

III. But actually, are you real?

Recently I click “like” to a mom and daughter duo sharing solid, actionable home remedies. They’re in their stocked kitchen, seated, standing, chatting with me, sharing their wisdom. For a few days in row, I watch and like several of their reels, even saving one. Then the algorithm feeds me a new one, this time a man, treating a skin issue, but in a spookily similar setting.

Something about it sends me to look at the mom and daughter again.

They’re in precisely the same spot in the frame, same vibe, same moments of focus and tension, here’s-your-issue-and-here’s-how-you-fix-it. I spot a hashtag at the bottom. Get ready; might surprise you: #syntheticperformer.

Two more come to my feed, same deal, but now i see: Each synthetic performer eventually sends me to a product on Amazon. OMFG. Have you seen these folks? Before I put this together, I almost make a purchase. Can’t even. None of these faces below are actual humans. And there’s an extra rabbit hole of “women” in their “60s” who look crazy good… you’ve been warned. They’re not real either.

[May i repeat, none of these faces are actual humans.]

Shall we turn to the good news?

IV. You and I are real.

Heading into my first 10-day vipassana in a few days; a longtime dream, soon to be real. Preparing for practice of sitting dozens of hours over that course, already starting to feel patterns emerging that need my attention. Pausing on listening to music so I can attune myself to the silence. Tending to my kid who’s had his wisdom teeth out. Those matters are real.

Working with a dear private mentorship client recently, having begun our work on the premise that she wasn’t charging for her fine work, and wanted to begin—by the middle of our second session, we’re pivoting, landing on one of the most revitalizing truths alive in her heart.

She doesn’t want to “grow” at all. Not in our societal understanding of growth. Nope. She doesn’t want to charge more. Or earn more.

She wants to wake up each day, respond to the needs of her family, stay close to her son and daughter in law, rooted to her garden, focus on her few free offerings each year, along with one online course for which she does charge, in which she teaches about practical compassion. Real work.

And she wants to uphold, honor, prioritize, value, the simplicity of her world.

She wants to stay real, close to the ground, to her heart, to her life as it is. She loves her life as it is. Tears in her eyes as she says this. More on her work in Resources below.

And as we share time together, something cracks in my own heart, my words and energy shift, truths affirmed. What is real in my own life?

The 501(c)(3) I’ve started after putting if off for years, thinking i had to earn earn earn, is real. My current studies are real; of the Torah, the Quran, ancient lojong slogans, and perhaps most importantly, my own behavior. You and I are real.

This is the conversation I want to be in right now.

Wondering how this moves you, if you’re willing to share.

The realest practices I know: Tea, meditation, prayer, connection, cooking, reading, moving the body, holding hands, listening. What else? What’s real to you?

V. The perfect new book for this conversation.
Dear friend, neighbor, colleague, teacher, collaborator and sister, Tracee Stanley invites us to deep presence with her latest book, Living Ritual.

She’ll be live here with me for tea on September 5th. We’ll share tea, and discuss ritual as a way of being in relationship with what we cannot know, and of engaging with our willingness to evolve. Her new body of work is an incredible resource for us all.

May we pause on the collective ritual of scrolling and initiate the collective ritual of honoring the Earth, our people, all beings, our deepest selves.

VI. Resources.

• Weekend Retreat, November 5th-8th, Santa Fe. Practice with me at the gorgeous Modern Elder Academy. A long weekend to reset, reconnect, enjoy silent mornings, enriching practices and wonderful meals.
  

• Hold Nothing the book has given rise to the Hold Nothing Foundation (the aforementioned 501(c)(3)), to which proceeds from this column are directed, to be donated to causes benefiting women and girls. Site coming so soon!
  

• Dear client Laura Banks, referenced above, has agreed to be mentioned here. Her next Compassion Cultivation Training meets virtually on Thursdays, September 10th - October 29th, 2026, 7-9pm ET. She’s also offering a free online Intro to Compassion Cultivation Training on Saturday, August 15th from 2-3pm ET. Details for both at lauralbanks.com.
  

• Away message: For the rest of August, I’ll be sitting Vipassana, then with family; back with you in September.
  
  Thank you so very much for being here with me.

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