Just got some super sad news regarding the loss of a kid, and I’m just thankful to have an excuse to create for and with you, the grief is deep. Thank you for being here.
Taizondo, where our sessions and yoga nidra practices happened.
At the second annual Inner Practice of Medicine this past weekend, I offered intervals of movement to the doctors who’ve traveled from all over the world to look inward, tend to themselves, and acknowledge the struggle within a broken system.
If you’re a patient beholden to said broken system, you have an inkling.
Thirty doctors have cleared their schedules to be together. Having committed their lives to our health, several in service to Native American reservations, the majority are experiencing some level of empathic distress, and are here to notice their inner lives.
Most are wounded healers like you and me.
Their burgeoning understandings give rise to better questions, more presence. I watch as a new willingness to listen to themselves, to their hearts, to each other, to their patients, emerges. Arms uncross. Hearts open. Smiles, then belly laughter, punctuated by harrowing and heartening stories from the field. As the weekend elapsed, crossed arms and protected hearts gave way to an equanimous shared space.
Prioritizing caring over curing, as Roshi Joan Halifax teaches, through the cultivation of compassion, presence, and inner strength, both the caregiver and the person receiving care benefit.
And from our weekend last year, other nuances, including a useful reference to G.R.A.C.E., worth sharing with you. Relevant for all of us, these notes serve to soften the tensions we hold as we grow older, no matter our age. And a shout-out to Wendy Dainin Lau, MD, and Clay Dalton, MD, for stewarding this program so beautifully. Wendy’s book, The Inner Practice of Medicine, is key both for doctors and clinicians.
Writing my chaplaincy capstone paper in these months, examining my choices, reflecting on how often I’ve tried to cure, fix, and acted inappropriately. When really what’s needed from me, or any human in most any circumstance, are simple acts of care and presence.
Which usually means being this moment, as dear teacher Katharine Thanas invites us to do in her writing. Not doing. This is my koan for now.
For today, two prompts to invite you to what feels like an important conversation:
Who are you to the folks around you? Are you a neighbor, a friend, a child, a sibling, a person who cares for someone else, a parent? How would the folks around you describe you?
And what do you bring to the ecosystem in which you find yourself? Be brave. Factually relate the offerings you shepherd into your environment.
In your responses to these inquiries, you’re entering into a vital dialogue with reality, one that points to caring rather than curing, whether you’re a doctor or not. As we turn the light around, inward toward our bodhisattva nature, we begin to see with clarity what we contribute to the spaces in which we find ourselves. Without needing to fix anything. Just to be present.
And, this isn’t about patting yourself on the back—it’s just a matter of acknowledging yourself with purpose and clarity. No artifice, just facts.
Here’s mine.
What do i bring to the ecosystem of my home and work? Laundry folded with care, yummy meals almost always involving broccoli and an herby dressing, copious tea, many supportive texts, a few volunteer hours each week, and ballast for my friends’ troubles. To my clients, I bring listening and sometimes, hard truths. To my teacher, I bring my studentship, and to the yoga students with whom I practice, solid
sequencing and thoughtfulness. And while I try to consistently bring love, sometimes (less frequently now) I bring reactivity, to my man, my kid and my family. In which case I also always bring a proper apology, and what I’d do differently given another chance.
You?
Calendar of Fall and Winter retreats is here.
Summer at Upaya.
Welcome to Hold Nothing; thank you for being here. If you choose a paid subscription, you’ll have access to the archives, be able to comment on all posts, and attend our monthly Live Gatherings. All subscriptions here are donated to causes supporting women and children.
Our next Live Gathering is Wednesday, August 6th, 12pm Eastern.
We’ll be writing together, to be with the realities of our lives with more gentleness, depth and subtlety. With about twenty to thirty of us, our Gatherings are intimate, never recorded, always enriching, with a short talk, shared writing and conversation. If you have financial restriction, scholarships are available. Don’t hesitate to ask.
This column has the same title as my upcoming book, Hold Nothing, now available for pre-order, coming this fall. If you wish to pre-order a signed copy at a significant savings for my close community, this is your link. All early orders come with gifts, which I’m creating now, so save your order number.
And here is the cover. It’s a dream and an honor for me to publish with Shambhala.
Thank you again and always for reading with me.
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