Paid Subscribers: We meet Wednesday, March 5th (tomorrow) at 12pm Eastern for a focused Writing Session. Bring your current piece or project; I’ll offer prompts to propel your process. Our link is at the bottom of this post—eager to spend some time with you.
Standing in front of one of Hilma af Klint’s Altarpieces for the first time, Guggenheim Museum, 2019.
Just over one year ago, I shared a poignant moment with you here: Bearing witness to James’ mom Lou as she chose the day and time of her death, knowing she was succumbing to illness. She died on her own terms and timing. As a hospice volunteer for the last couple of years, I’ve come to savor time in the presence of the dying—somehow through this work, I feel more joy, and my purpose to serve is clarified.
Sharing that piece here with you in case you hadn’t seen it, along with Lou’s death doula
, founder of , who was there for Lou every step of the way.I’ve invited Sierra as a collaborator this week to continue the process of normalizing the conversation around death, the only certainty of our wild and precious life.
Heading Home
Exactly one week prior to James’ mom’s medically-assisted death this past Sunday, I leave town for a previously-scheduled teaching commitment and James sets his most empowered, organized self in motion. Mother and son spend the week tending to her affairs, closing accounts and writing letters to her friends and family, which I’ll transcribe onto pieces …
Sierra shares wisdom with us below on what it means to prepare for our own death. I know it’s scary, uncomfortable, unsettling. But dying with dignity, or offering someone we love the tools to do so, is a tremendous gift.
First, Sierra’s work is here.
To deepen your studies, Sierra’s acclaimed upcoming Death Doula Training is coming soon. As a reader of Holding Nothing, you’ll receive $300 off her 12-week course.
Use code ELENA300 at checkout.
From Sierra:
A dignified death honors our values, desires, and autonomy. Thoughtful preparation—both practical and emotional—offers us a chance to navigate our final moments with peace, agency, and support.
If you’ve never accompanied someone through the end of life, a valuable place to begin is with experience; there’s no better teacher. Volunteering with hospice, visiting elders in your community, or training as a death doula offers profound insight into what it means to die well.
With experience, you’ll see all the facets, choices and ways to navigate in real time.
Also asked Sierra to comment on practice, specifically practices like savasana, yoga nidra, resting, even sitting meditation—the practices that invite me to let go of my attachments to longevity and perfection. Death practices. She has wise words for us, from her direct experience of sitting with dying people since she was five years old.
Dying before we die is a practice of living our lives with awareness and completion—cultivating inner peace, sitting with suffering, tending to our relationships, and resolving what weighs on our hearts. To be truly prepared for death, our work is to cultivate peace within ourselves and in our relationships. This doesn’t necessarily mean we need to be fully resolved with everyone in this life; true resolution comes from within. But cultivating peace is paramount.
Which has me thinking about clearing my own slate, ensuring I’m not holding any grudges, resentments. Sierra invites you to consider reflecting on healing, forgiveness and gratitude as you nurture your own process of closure, and welcome dignity in your days. Ask yourself:
What unresolved emotions or conflicts weigh on my heart?
Are there words left unspoken that could bring healing or closure?
Who might need my forgiveness—or whose forgiveness might I need? (It might be YOU.)
How can I express gratitude and love more fully to those around me? (Also, to yourself.)
What fears or avoidance patterns are keeping me from harmony in my life?
Sierra reminds us that dying with dignity begins long before our final breath—it’s a daily practice of acceptance, connection, and grace.
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