Reading to live.
I solemnly swear that books are saving my life.
Started reading cereal boxes and anything with words here, at my Gramma Belle’s kitchen table.
I. Sorry I’m late; I was READING.
With about twenty minutes until one of my lifelong dreams comes true, I’m still in the tub, nose in a book, a six-minute walk away. I know you want to know what book I’m reading; I won’t forget. Last time this happened was Dani Shapiro’s Inheritance when I ended up three hours later in a cold tub in a hotel in Denver. But I digress.
The fact that I cannot pull myself away from inhabiting the world in these pages, a world I know isn’t going anywhere, in a book published some years back, is weird, wonderful, what’s happening. I’m presenting my new book to a sold-out Boulder Bookstore second floor in TWENTY MINUTES. I speed through the chapter and run, luckily i haven’t hair to tend to. I’m ready in 10 and out the door, up the stairs at the bookstore, right on time.
II. Where it began.
Since childhood, my face has been in a book. Back then, it was cereal boxes, then Amelia Bedelia and Highlights magazines, usually over four Thomas’ english muffin halves with butter and heaps of Temptee cream cheese (yes, both). Then came Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Judy Blume, poetry of e.e. cummings and Emily Dickinson, the backs of every vinyl LP to learn and memorize lyrics, from Clapton to Floyd to Howard Jones, deciphering what it might mean to grow older. Elle Magazine, Vogue, Bazaar, Vanity Fair for years. Savored Paul Bowles in college, Paul Auster, classics like Wuthering Heights, Jane Austen, then Joan Didion, Anne Truitt, Mary Oliver. Then I find Anne Lamott. Of course philosophy, religious studies, art history.
Once I have a kid of my own, at bedtime we lap up the details of Italo Calvino’s fantastical short stories.
To escape into these worlds saves me, through the lens of others’ lives I’m offered new perspectives, ways of seeing. The stories continue to change me long after the books end. Now, with dear friends—when Laura McKowen recommends one, I always just read it. And it’s always the same, “Holy fuck that book was good” as we quote pages and send names of the characters in all caps over text. PETER.
Laura and i are edging closer to writing a novel together with this fodder and inspiration, but I digress (again). Still I pine for salted butter in the nooks and crannies when I sit at any table to read anything.
Thank you, my friend of thirty years, Amy Ippoliti, for your insightful inquiries on this evening for Hold Nothing.
III. My dream publisher.
On the day after the reading, walking into the Shambhala Publications offices, I become like an uber-fan in a sports bar, incapable of steadying my attention given the tempting shelves that line each office, like so many multiple games on screens. My distracted eyes alight everywhere; Hinayana, Mahayana, Vajrayana, old and new titles, every treasure of Zen. To be included amongst these luminaries is unthinkable. It dawns on me that I’ve waited my entire life for this, landing in my body. I forget to snap even one pic.
I do, however, manage to sit and scribble rather hasty but meaningful notes on a lojong book that catches my eye, for my study group.
Just over here studying in the Shambhala conference room with my book on view in the front hall. Geez.
IV. My bookshelves at home.
Since i forgot to take that pic, here’s my home bookshelf. Color coding makes my heart sing. Claimed one ledge in the living room for current Zen studies, plus one small bedtime pile. Can you relate?
And (almost) every time a new book arrives, I donate or gift one to make space.
V. My virtual bookshelves.
Since 2021, I’ve been maintaining virtual bookshelves to support small booksellers over at Bookshop.org. I add books there all the time, and you’ll find my 2026 favorites replete with delicious escape hatches and secret tunnels. Have at it.
Still wondering about the book in the tub?
Ask Again, Yes, by Mary Beth Keane, as mentioned previously in this week’s sit and Q+A. Regular sits here are going to be a thing. I like the live vibe so much better than having to manage instagram meanies.
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Our monthly gathering is this Friday, April 3rd, 11am ET. About 45-50 minutes, always enriching and surprising what emerges, I’ve been recording as there are a few who cannot make it, so I’ll post recording to our subscriber chat.
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