About five times a night, he gets up to walk for several minutes to relax his muscles, to relieve the pain which is excruciating. And this guy has a high threshold.
The nature of nerve pain is that we cannot see it. When I place my hand, I can feel the taut, caught energy in certain places along his leg. And I can hear his pain—his stilted breathing, then the long exhale toward which I anxiously turn all my attention. This is week three, and we’re feeling nervous. He’s receiving osteopathy, acupuncture, red light therapy, all the plants, Zinc, D and omega fatty acids.
Feels like all the hours volunteering in hospice haven’t prepared me for what it means to presence my own partner in an hour of real need, but I’m learning how. My training wheels are off, shifting my schedule to offer care in real time, real life. If you’re caring for a family member who happens to live under your own roof while managing your own body, heart, time, mental health—only one word feels right.
Empathy.
I’m over here sending myself, and you, heaps of empathy. Wow. The docs and healers have told us this will pass, but also, who knows, ever. We’re receiving a taste of what it can look like to live with significant injury and pain, and what it means to actually, actually, soften.
Even after eleven years together, in our rare moments of discord during these weeks, we’ve grown a bit closer. Practicing NVC (non-violent communication) skills in earnest is helping us stay attentive to our own feelings and needs rather than accusing—rather than veering into carelessness and disrespect, we’re offering one another empathy, helping one another get our needs met.
With fewer hours to tend to my own work, for daily direction, I’ve limited myself to one resource to which to turn in these days. One section of the book I’ve chosen inspired me to sit down and record this week’s sit for you.
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