Today: An audio practice, a tale of two timelines, an invitation to ask me anything for an upcoming AMA post, this weekend’s podcast, and a gift teaching on heart rate variability (HRV) from Sara Szal MD. Let’s go.
At our magnificent Airbnb in Ravenna.
I. On the dreamy-seeming paradox of youth.
Final days of a two-week journey through Italy; we’ve been climbing mountains, visiting ancient art, lighting candles and offering prayers multiple times a day, cooking our breakfasts, reconnecting with each other, re-learning ourselves.
On the train from Ravenna speeding toward Rome with my family, all cypresses and farms and fields of sunlight, I’m transported back in time.
The cars driving parallel to our train are moving in the same direction, and if I squint my eyes, I can see myself, twenty-five years younger, high on cocaine in the passenger seat with my boyfriend at the time, driving that road into Rome. Caught in a reliably swift cycle of elation and terror, plagued by delusions, body dysmorphia, and self-hatred, I’m crumbling; we’ve been driving for days traversing St. Tropez, Spain, and I barely remember anything but snapshots.
The dreamy-seeming paradox of youth; raves, strong drugs, gorgeously-lit bars, gloriously dangerous moto rides, romantic makeouts at stoplights—then waking up early to run, practice yoga, fix myself—then smoking more Marlboros, eagerly awaiting the next high.
Now twice the age i was in that car, I take inventory of what’s observable now to bring my nervous system back to a semblance of regulation. Longtime partner James and my almost-twenty year old son are seated nearby, both asleep. James’ back is healing (enormous gratitude for western medicine). Steeped in six years of sitting practice, kindle open to Uchiyama Roshi’s book, I’m twelve years in recovery from the addictions of that time. We’re arriving in Rome in one hour, walking into the home of my best friend of forty years.
And I have a mind I can trust.
I can trust this mind.
By continuously placing ourselves in stillness, we refuse the past and future, prioritize the present, thereby freeing up energy to be this moment, as teacher Katherine Thanas invites us to do. (1)
And in the face of our very human tendency to seek out drama, feed on mischief, or linger in past and future, our stillness is an act of resistance.
In the Aula Magna at the Palazzo Talìa (planning to offer practice there next year).
In stillness, if I loiter too long in past and future, usually clutching opinions and judgments, I freeze myself in time; doubts and fears turn my mind into a block of ice.
In stillness, when I refuse past and future, I arrive in the elegance of the present, with simplicity, elasticity, willingness, a sense of trust internally. Elegance is refusal.
II. All roads lead to Rome.
Where we’ve been: mostly a pilgrimage for James to see the unbelievable 5th century mosaics of Ravenna, the churches, frescoes, paintings and sculptures in every town. And having lived here for a couple of years, I was thrilled to eat the food in Parma and Modena, with deep bows to Massimo Bottura and the Francescana family.
Once we arrive in Rome, Jonah teaches us how to ride Lime scooters and cycles everywhere, allowing us to see broad swaths of this incredible city in minutes. Standing on my bike pedals, calling out to James and Jonah, feels like I’m at the Burn, except we’re in magical Rome.
Elegance as refusal is a teaching to which I listen repeatedly on Charlotte Joko Beck’s Living Everyday Zen audio (2).
When I consider elegance as refusal of the extraneous, my mind conjures images of pieces from designers like Jil Sander, Yohji Yamamoto, Issey Miyake, Martin Margiela, pivotal forces as I came up in the fashion world in my twenties for their quality fabrications, elegant silhouettes. For their clear refusal to overcomplicate things.
But today I’m also thinking of Bernini’s Ecstasy of Santa Teresa, which i saw with my own eyes yesterday. This was the showstopper of the trip for me. Bernini somehow released undulating folds of fabric from a giant block of marble centuries ago; which I’m seeing now as fluid movement, so alive, elegant, timeless.
The Ecstasy of Santa Teresa, by Bernini.
III. Le altre gemme di Roma (the other gems of Rome).
One morning over breakfast at our hotel Patti Smith is sitting a couple of tables over. Patti Smith! While I’m not really moved by famous humans, I most certainly am right now, seeing her. When I walk by her table, my hands rise instinctively together in gassho, and I offer a gentle bow while whispering Thank You without breaking stride.
She folds her hands and smiles back. Gosh.
Later that afternoon I happen to see her again as she leaves for her evening show. Bowing again, I forgot to wish you a very Happy Birthday (she turns 80 this year); she then touches my shoulder briefly, giggling, It’s not my birthday til December… but I’ll be celebrating all year til then.
Perfetto, I manage in reply, playing it cool. What i really want to do is hug her.
Other treasures: every Roman meal—we loved Pianostrada, Roscioli, Emma, Écru, Barnum and Matricianella. A wee bit of shopping (the boys fell in love with SBU), but especially James’ art history tours… wow.
Spent several nights at my dear friend’s flat in Flaminio, thank you Alysa forever and always. We’re still the same humans, just without the cigarettes and Sofie.
Considering spending a couple months based in Italy next year to travel around Europe to teach, a real dream for me.
Life is too short to wait any longer.
AMA post (ask me anything) coming soon. Ask anything in the comments here and I’ll answer, or send questions privately via DM here to ask anonymously.
SAVE THE DATES: 2-day virtual writing retreat, by donation only to the causes I support, September 1st + 2nd at 11am Eastern. Details soon.
On the PODCAST: New friend May Lindstrom is on the podcast this weekend, with a surprising story and deep wisdom. Her products are among my favorites, always in the rotation over here. A superb human doing wonderful work in the world, and saving my skin!
GIFT for the women: Please click below for a comprehensive document with HRV wisdom Sara Szal MD recently shared in WOMEN: The Portal.
You are cordially invited to join the waitlist for the next time we open doors, to listen in and take part in the conversations and practices we’ve been craving.
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Resources mentioned
(1) Katharine Thanas, The Truth of This Life (linked to Amazon as Bookshop is on backorder)
(2) Charlotte Joko Beck, Living Everyday Zen, on Audible.
and May Lindstrom’s glorious skincare.
